Fifty Inch Long
There's a man who has fifty inch long penis.
But sadly to say, he can't get any sex, because every woman
who sees it, faints at the sight. So he goes to the doctor and
begs him to shorten it. However, the doctor refuses.
The doctor can't shorten a perfectly good penis, and so
he tells the man, but he does happen to know a witch who
lives in the forest and that she might be able to help.
The man with a heavy heart, decides to go to the forest and
visit the witch, though of course he thinks it's all a bit odd.
But he sets off into the forest and sure enough finds the witch
sitting in front of her cottage casting spells.
"Witch," he says, "please help me, I have a fifty inch long penis
and no one will have sex with me!"
The witch takes one look at his massive cock and then says,
"Wow, you do need my help!!! But you must go into the forest
and find the magic frog who lives in the pond.
Ask him to marry you, and each time he refuses, your penis
will shrink by ten inches!"
Weird though this is, but the man is desperate, so off he goes
into the forest. And, sure enough, he finds the magic frog singing
a Xmas carols quietly to itself.
"Froggy," he shouts, "please marry me!"
The frog looks up, annoyed. "No!" he croaks,
"I can't do that, seeing as how I'm a frog and you're a man."
The guy looks down, sure enough, his penis has shrunk by ten inches!
"It's unbelievable!!!" The man shouted!
However, it's still too long for sex, he thinks, at forty inches,
but he's delighted, so he shouts back at the frog:
"Oh, go on, please marry me!"
"No - I told you once!" the frog croaks, "I can't do that!"
The man looks down - sure enough, his penis has shrunk by
ten inches again! It's now only thirty inches long!
The guy thinks this is wonderful but, still, another
ten inches off would be perfect!
"Frog," The man roars across the pond, "please marry me!"
The frog looks extremely annoyed, shakes his head and shouts,
"No ..........NO.....AND FOR THE LAST TIME.........NO!"
The Bullet
A pregnant woman is in the bank when the bank is robbed.
A gunfight breaks out, and she is shot 3 times in the abdomen.
She is then rushed to the hospital.
Miraculously, she is unharmed.
After giving a full examination, though, the doctor tells her,
"I have good and bad news for you."
"You are going to have triplets, but each baby has a bullet in it.
Luckily, they have hit no vital organs, and eventually your children
will pass the bullets naturally."
Twelve years pass, and she has forgotten the incident in the bank.
One day, the first child, a daughter, comes to her mother and says,
"Mom, the strangest thing just happened. I was using the toilet,
and I passed a bullet."
The mother explains everything, and she assures her daughter
that everything is okay.
A few weeks later, the second child, also a daughter, comes to
her mother and says, "Mom, the strangest thing just happened."
The mother interrupts her and says,
"You passed a bullet, right?"
The mother goes on to tell the daughter the story.
Several weeks later, the third child, a son, comes to his mother and says,
"Mom, the strangest thing just happened."
The mother interrupts him and says,
"You passed a bullet, right?"
The son says, "No, Mom"
I was masturbating and shot the dog!"
The Test Results
A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth.
A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask,
"Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,
"I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown,
holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand
and takes a close look, and says
"There is nothing wrong with them!"
Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies,
"That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?
Marie
When Marie was 16, she hoped that one day she would have a boyfriend.
When she was 18, she got a boyfriend, but there was no passion.
So she decided she needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.
In college she dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen,
cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So Marie decided she needed a guy with stability.
When she was 25, she found a very stable guy but he was boring.
He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that she decided she needed a guy with
some excitement.
When Marie was 28, she found an exciting guy,
but she couldn't keep up with him.
He rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
He did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met.
He made Marie miserable as often as happy.
He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.
So Marie decided to find a guy with some ambition.
When she turned 31, she found a smart ambitious guy with
his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him.
He was so ambitious that he divorced Marie,
took everything she owned, and ran off with her best friend.
And now, Marie 47 decided to find a guy with a big dick!
The Wake
A man at a retirement home was walking around with his
zipper down holding his penis.
A young nurse says "Why are you doing that?"
He replies, "It died today."
"Oh that's terrible!", the nurse replied.
The next day the man has his penis hanging outside of his pants again.
The same nurse says, "I thought it died yesterday."
The man replies, "It did. Today is the wake"
